Vices to Live By Or Not
by CCWaT
Summary: MS oneshot. Stella finds out she is HIV positive and seeks comfort in Mac. Character death. Sorry the format is kind of messed up. Format fixed. Reviews are appreciated.


Title: Vices to Live By – or Not

"No, no, no, don't touch me, Hawkes, don't touch me." She saw her blood on her fingertips and ran away. She didn't hear Mac as he shouted, "Stella." The only thing she thought was she had HIV and her colleagues didn't know that. As she opened the door to the bathroom, another detective left it, and she was alone. Seeing herself in the mirror shocked her. The blood on her face and the fear. What could she do?

Mac wanted to know what was wrong with Stella and ignored that the bathroom was for women only and entered it. "Stel? Stella? What happened? Why are you ignoring me?" He saw her sobbing.

"I don't know, Mac. I don't want to talk about. It doesn't matter. Please leave me alone."

"I can't. I want to know why you are crying and what the thing is that scares you."

"Please, Mac, I'll tell you later, but leave me alone. I have to think about it."

"Stel, you know I'm your friend, and you can tell me everything you want."

"Yes, I know."

He knew it was useless to talk to her any longer her, she wouldn't tell him what had happened and so he left her alone and walked out of the bathroom.

3 hours later:Stella was sitting on her couch as the doorbell rang. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Mac. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure."Stella knew he wouldn't go and she needed someone to talk so she opened the door. "Hey, hi."

He gave her a big hug, and she began to cry. "Stel, please tell me what scares you."

"Mac, it's a long story. You remember our last vic? The accident and that his sister had this phobia? And he was HIV+. I was alone at the crime scene, collecting every piece of glass on the floor. And there was a very big one. I was holding it in my hands as it broke. It fell on my arm and cut deeply into it. I ran to the bathroom to clear the wound and to stop the bleeding. After that, I worked on the crime scene again. In the afternoon, I went to Sid, to find out what the cause of his death was. And he told me, our vic is HIV+. I couldn't believe it and remembered the cut on my arm. After that, I went to Adam, and he told me all the blood on the crime scene was from our vic. So I knew I had HIV. I went to the hospital to take a test. The nurse was a little bit unfriendly, and I think she thought that we should protect ourselves better from the risks in this job. That's all. You know the end of the story. And here is the letter: I'm HIV+. And I'm a CSI."

The first thing Mac thought was that this couldn't be true. "Stella, I'm so sorry to hear that. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I know that it must be very hard for you."

"Mac, it doesn't really get to me yet, so I need some time to think about it. I don't want someone to pity me. You know what I mean?"

"Sure, but I think we'll find a solution."

"I hope so."

It was so good to lie in his arms, hear his voice and knowing he would help her, no matter what would happen."Mac?"

"Yes?"

"Don't leave me please. I need someone tonight. Please sleep here."

"Ok, no problem. And please, Stel, don't think too much about it. That's not good. And please never forget: I love you!"

"I love you too, Mac."

They talk a few hours and then both fall asleep.

As Mac woke up in the morning, Stella didn't lie next to him. He called her name, but he didn't get an answer. So he looked into both the living room and the kitchen but they were empty. At last he went to the bathroom and couldn't believe what he saw. Stella was lying on the floor with a deep cut on both of her wrists. A lot of blood was on the floor and there was no reaction as he felt for her pulse. He knew she was dead, but he couldn't believe it. He called an ambulance, but he knew it was too late. His best friend and colleague was dead. "Stella, I love you. I hope you know that and hear my words in heaven." Then he began to cry.

4 days later:

He is standing at her grave, looking at the gravestone.

_Stella Bonasera  
1969 – 2007  
Good friend and colleague  
Never forget_

The whole team was at her burial, and everyone was really shocked. But it was her decision, and they wouldn't change it. But he hopes that she would find a good friend in heaven, maybe Claire. A sunbeam falls onto his face, and he knows he is right.

The End

**A/N: I'm new here at fanfiction. This is my first story so please don't get mad. I'd like to thank my beta E. Limberg for checking over this story. Please review.**


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